As we put away our gardening tools for the Winter to focus inward, we are faced with cobwebs in the closet that always seem to accumulate around the holidays: those dark corners where the urge and tendency to please everyone around us quietly lingers.
Though strides have been made, sentiments still remain: we are largely no longer expected to live our lives as stay-at-home parents, and we are largely expected to portray a feminine caretaking nature wherever we go. We are led to believe that our worth as women is measured by what we can do for those around us.
So, what did you bring to the table this year? Did you find yourself serving more than you harvested?
For many of us, the holidays come with an extra tinsel toss of anxiety. We had separate households that rotated holidays, relationships with relatives that were rocky at best. Even if it was just the inherent pressure of showing up, something about this time of year can make our hearts flutter a little faster. The holidays are special after all, and you should be your best self celebrating in the company of loved ones.
So where do the urges to please everyone come from? Is it truly about the holidays, or do these cobwebs just get worse when the Christmas lights come out of storage?
In order to accept the roots of our actions, we must take the time to practice mindfulness in the moment. The next time you have the urge to make even the smallest sacrifice for someone, ask yourself why. Is it important to you, or to them? What is the end goal of this action? Is it necessary?
More importantly, is it fear or love driving this action?
Give yourself the grace of finding your footing here. This is a deep reflection that may take you through uncharted territory as you explore the motivations behind your actions that do not stem from authenticity. You may be learning something new as well as unlearning something familiar, so be kind to yourself in this practice.
Consider this your open invitation to our table, because we would love to hear from you.
Those of you who have followed us since the beginning of the year know that we have been embracing life through a seasonal lens, tending to our gardens of creativity at Mother Nature’s pace and guidance.
We are now settling into the season of reflection and we would love to know… in what ways did you nourish your strengths throughout the year?
Maybe you stuck with the pace you set in the Spring, diligent, consistent, and attentive. Or maybe your nourishing lessons came from collaborations, strengthening your connections and communications during those joyful Summer days. Did you find yourself focusing on different ways to grow each season? Did your intentions remain steadfast since the moment you planted your seeds?
How did you grow with your garden?
In times of overwhelm, remind yourself of what you have accomplished until it grounds you in truth. I am safe. I’m okay. I am enough. Your value is not measured by your capacity to be of service. Your value is inherent and priceless, deserving of the boundaries necessary to protect it, and your contribution to the table comes from the love and dedication you have been practicing since those seeds were first planted.
What you bring to the table is not a basis for comparison – it is a contribution to be celebrated because you grew it in your own garden.
+ view the comments
It seems to me there are seasons in life when it is OK to give all that and more. My parents passed just 6 weeks apart and the months leading up to that stretched me in ways I didn’t think possible. And if that wasn’t enough, there were other family concerns which couldn’t be put on the back burner. I think the stamina came from knowing it would end but the ability to dig in came from my daily bible study and the last few years of personal growth. I look back now and marvel at how many balls I was juggling, however, knowing that iron sharpens iron, I will be a little more prepared for the next winter season.
Finding that kind of strength during such a trying time is an exceptional quality to carry, Valerie. My heart goes out to you and your family. We wish you and your loved ones a peaceful time of rest after such a devastating loss.